Hard to believe

Well I can hardly believe that it is June and I have been retired 10 months!! Reading back at all the promises I made myself and feeling disappointed. The fact is though that circumstances have to allow you to carry out your plans. Since last October Phil and I have been looking after sick friends, me on a less frequent basis than Phil but still enough to take some time.

Sadly,  Phils friend Colin died in March and I know that Phil really misses him.
Since then Phil has had his new hip and I have been the nurse. Not an easy task and much more tiring than I had expected. These last few days I have been "on the edge" but only because I am so tired and also am in pain myself. I must deal with that as soon as I can!!

So now I have to decide whether to start a new blog for my crafting. Can't say I have been very successful at it with this and accidental carer. I have to be prepared to make it a task and preferably an enjoyable task every day. Until I can dedicate time to it then it will just fall by the wayside .
Several decisions to make in the next couple of months. Some just involving me and some for both Phil and me. Too old to be taking risks now but at the same time changes have to be made. Where is that crystal ball???
So watch this space ( no followers so I am actually talking to myself again!!). ..................

Time flies.........

Once again I start a blog and before I know it I am so behind with posting. I promised myself so many things when I retired. Make at least one handmade card each day, blog at least twice a week, set and complete challenges each month!! So what happens? I am so busy that I can't get into a daily routine.
At the beginning of each busy week I look forward and think - at least next week will be quieter - but by the time I get to Friday the following week is full. There are still important things that need doing but making appointments is not as easy as you think. I had hoped that I could  just phone and choose when I want my eyes testing or when I want to discuss my mortgage- no it is usually a couple of weeks away and I can't commit.
I am still loving being at home. I am half hoping that my job application will not be successful. Finance is the only reason for going back to work. I am not bored, I don't need my time filling in, I am not missing the work environment at all.
So now I need to look at all the lists I have made in the last five weeks and start ticking items off . It is a cliche but I really don't know how I managed to work full time!!

Deeper thinking

My thoughts are now turning to the  future. I have had a complete break since finishing with Cruse; I promised myself to have the rest of August just to wind down.
Our conversations are now turning to what needs doing with regard to the house. We have a few choices but each has risks. We have spent our married life taking risks but not so much the last few years .
We will continue to discuss the options and maybe take some professional advice but I am ready for whatever needs to be done.

We have been invited to a "Presentation" evening by Cruse. I really don't want to go but also don't want to let anyone down. I have managed to quickly "de-Cruse" myself and I can just feel stress again thinking about having to attend an event with me as one of the main focuses!! Not my scene and I would rather the monies stay in the "pot" for service delivery!!!
I am busy decluttering the rooms, cupboards, shelves etc. Phil keeps asking me to relax but I am quite happy doing it. I can't stop completely so this is purging the organised part of me quite well.

My swimming challenge did not happen because Julie and I were so relaxed just chatting that we did not get as far as the spa!!! Next time maybe . I have bought a new swimsuit ready!
I now have to look at this blog. At the moment I am just  doing it for myself and I am sure I have no followers but then I don't have the set up yet to invite any.

So let's get the weekend started and make my to do list for next week. I am looking at job availability every day but not with any enthusiasm!! The post with Cruse has been filled by Clare and I wish her well. I am breaking the ties completely once my fundraising efforts are fulfilled............

Birthday girl

Today is my 66th birthday and that is so hard to believe. Where have the years gone? Hubby said to me yesterday I am still that cuddly young girl he married. Bless! I have made him an emergency appointment with Specsavers!!
I don't feel my age, I don't act my age. Then again there isn't a stereotype for age any more. I find it impossible to age people these days . I compare them with me I suppose but always get it wrong.

I am coming towards the end of my first week away from Cruse. I can't believe how happy I feel. I can't believe how little I miss it. I can't believe how easy it has been to switch off. Until tonight, when I have struggled to sleep, I have been really relaxed.
Today I am spending the day with my baby girl. We are having a spa day. It has been a couple of months since Julie's  birthday when we last spent time together. Lots to catch up on.

I am coping with being at home with Phil. I forget sometimes that he has a problem but have been reminded this last week. I have made it clear though that I will not get stressed out with him. If he has one of his "moods" then I will just busy myself in my craft room until he comes around. I am also not going to get stressed out about any of the kids. Unless they ask for help I will just be here in the background. They have their lives to lead and don't need me to fuss.

I am praying that I can afford to stay at home and won't need to find a job. I think that will be up to me to budget well enough!! I am enjoying the freedom so much right now.
It is now 5 am and I have been awake since 2am. I need to try and nap at least. I am going to attempt my first challenge today. Can I swim? Will I sink? Maybe I can float?
Watch this space xx

The beginning

So ...... I have arrived at the beginning of my next Chapter. The last week in work was not as enjoyable as it could have been. I gave 11 weeks notice so I could ease myself out and someone else in but that takes two sides to get it right.
I have left copious notes for "whoever" takes over but the signs are that the process will change beyond recognition.
Ten years ago I had two days handover and then made the job my own. I hope the new person is allowed to do this.
On reflection I had a lot of freedom around how I did my job but the pressure was still the volume of work and the deadlines.
All done now and the only deadlines are getting to my lunch dates on time!!!
Technically I am just on holiday until Thursday but I dont expect to be called back for any reason so I am making new plans as from now.

I need to set this blog up nicely soon . That is a challenge for the end of this month. I have my swimming challenge on Friday which is my 66th birthday. How ridiculous!! I must check my birth certificate as I am pretty sure there must be an error there!!!!

September I start walking on Thursdays with Elaine and Tracey. That will be interesting. Twenty years age difference so my challenge is just to keep up. My knees are so much better since I have lost my first stone . I hope to lose another one although it seems to be a bit slower in coming off now.

I am going to start making my lists today. I will use my lovely black notebook which contains some pages of Cruse suggestions. But I will just keep those pages in for historical value!!

So 8am Sunday 10th August and it has sunk in that I am no longer Cruse Bereavement Care North Wales Area Administrator!! I am just ME.

Let's get on with what I want to do now. I need to still have a routine as that is what I do, but it can be a flexible routine ....... Sounds good to me .

Supportive friends

Now that I have finally made the decision to leave Cruse my friends couldn't be more delighted. They are almost as excited as I am. Every time I sound as if I have the slightest concern about the future they rally around with " it's exciting", " it's  a new chapter" , " now you can do just what you choose".

Of course they are right. I now have the opportunity to choose how little or how much time I spend working.
Throughout my life you could say I have been lucky in that , bar one, I have loved every single job I have done. How many people can say that?? I have moved from one job to another with ease and as a natural progression.
Cruse has certainly been the most rewarding but the most pressured. Now I have reached the stage where I don't need the pressure of a rewarding job. I have enough to do to fill my time with family and fun stuff.
Yes it is exciting, a new chapter and an opportunity to choose. But for now I still have 11 more days in the office, making sure I leave it just how I would like to find it. I wish lots of luck to the new administrator whoever that may be. It is a very different Cruse to the one I came into in 2000.
My time is done and now it can be all about me. Time to be a little bit selfish and why not indeed .

A picture of me....

So there is a convenient space on this picture to describe who I am and what I do. At the moment it is a mystery. My heart is leaning towards my craft as long as my purse will benefit. I think my days of intensity are over and 14 yrs dealing with bereavement has more than paid my dues.
Art therapy may be an option. It has certainly been very therapeutic for me since I started crafting about eight years ago.

I collected my Masters yesterday at Bangor Uni during a " rabbit in headlights experience" .
 I certainly was not my organised self!! So do I look for courses or just go out there with the knowledge and passion that I already have. I need a crystal ball!!!

So in 16 days my Cruse chapter will be over bar  the shouting. Exciting, scary but inevitable!!! Watch this space ................